“How do I cope with my Headmaster? He is a bully and often undermines my confidence, I hold quite a senior position within the school and work extremely hard but often find myself belittled. I want him to respect my views and strengths as much as I respect his. Can I win him over or am I wasting my time and better off out of there?”

 According to research published in 2002 by The University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology, one in four workers in the UK had experienced bullying in the last five years. For teachers the figures were markedly higher – with one teacher in three claiming to have been bullied at work, and a further one in five claiming to have witnessed bullying. Bullying is a serious issue in education – both in the playground and in the staffroom!

So, first of all, what is bullying? According to an NUT definition, it is ‘a form of harassment in which the bully undermines and belittles or assaults the recipient. Bullies may seek to exploit others’ perceived personal weaknesses, either because they enjoy the exercise of power or because they are under pressure themselves, or even because they believe such behaviour is the best means of managing relationships. Bullying may also involve abuse and undue criticism in front of colleagues and pupils.’

Sometimes bullies know that what they are doing or saying hurts other people. But other bullies may not really know how hurtful their actions can be. Most bullies don’t understand, or care, about the feelings of others. Emotional bullying takes a tremendous toll on your health and self-esteem because such behaviour and attacks are as damaging to the mind and body as if they were physical.

Standard advice for people being bullied includes keeping records of what happens, consulting colleagues, escalating to others in authority. In this article, however, we will focus primarily on what strategies you can adopt in order to better cope. If you decide to get ‘out of there’ you run the risk of building a limiting belief about yourself – ‘I can’t deal with difficult people’. If you can manage to keep going, you have the opportunity to grow, and feel much better about yourself. Remember, as Benjamin Disraeli put it, “Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke”.

First of all, examine your thoughts. Believe it or not, we have approximately 10,000 thoughts a day. Are they positive, enhancing your feelings about yourself eg I am doing my best; or are they negative, depressing your feelings about yourself? eg I just never seem to get it right. Whilst we are conditioned not to boast about ourselves, negative thoughts are destructive. One exercise I often suggest to those I coach is to pick a time each day for a brief reflection, and write down three positive things about yourself. If you struggle to do this, and can only think of negative thoughts, try reframing the words to a more positive light.

Whilst negative thoughts can be difficult to get rid of, self appreciation is something that can be developed with focus. There are many books & CDs on positive thinking, which can help you put a more positive light on the situation, and make you better able to cope with it.

The next step is to try to improve your relationship with your Head,through improved communication. Ask for regular informal feedback sessions with him, so that you can seek constructive feedback, voice your concerns and help you find common ground. This will help build better communication channels between you. Remember you don’t need to like your boss, but you can work on your professional relationship. Make sure you pick your time for these meetings for instance try to pick on a time when things are going well, when your Head is not too overstretched, and when he is likely to be in a good mood (you may want to observe these for a while to try).

If there are serious concerns to be discussed, remember that taking a stand demands utter confidence in what you are saying, as well as recognising that you might be wrong. It is important to be prepared, so work through your concerns and issues until you can clearly state in a few sentences what your point is, and why you hold it.

It is important to manage your emotional reactions, and remain calm. Watch out for any non verbal messages you may be giving – for example, a change of voice, folded arms, and learn to recognise them and substitute something more neutral. If, when you are uncomfortable with something, you tend to disagree, try asking a question instead to buy time. Or, ask your head to tell you more about their point of view.

If you do get into a conflict situation, it is important to keep to the facts and not to get personal. Stay objective. Listen as much as possible and ask a lot of questions, to be sure you have understood, then restate his position to show you have understood. Nod and ask what can I do to help? Then, find something to agree with, however small that may be. If you disagree on some of the points made, start with the one you have the most objective information on.

As Harvey S Firestone put it, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept noone’s definition of your life, but define yourself”.

As always, your problems, views and experiences are vital to the success and relevance of these articles, so email me at robert.brook@lightbeam.co.uk. I promise to treat each of your emails in strictest confidence.

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The start of a new year is always a good time to review what’s happened in the previous year – good and bad, positive and negative – and make a plan for the coming year. I’m not talking here about New Year’s Resolutions - those things we say we’ll do, but rarely fully achieve! – but a properly considered plan of action, with a commitment to achieve.

As a senior manager within a global organisation, this is something I used to do for myself, and my team, each year. When I left corporate life I qualified as a Life Coach, and now it’s something I advise my clients to do too – but not only looking at their work situation, but also their personal situation as well. It’s very difficult to be happy at work, if you’re not happy at home, and vice versa. Getting one’s life ‘out-of-balance’ causes anxiety and stress, and leads to worsening relationships and health. Getting one’s life ‘in-balance’ means happiness and fulfilment.

So, please take some time to reflect, and then break your life down into those categories which are important to you, for example : Health (eg diet, fitness); Finances; Relationships; Contribution to others; Career or Job; Playtime and Fun. Against each category score yourself between 1 and 10, and then decide which ones you want to change, and then set yourself some realistic targets, and actions to achieve them. This is called ‘coaching’ in its broadest sense, and in this case self-coaching.

What does ‘coaching’ mean? Literally, it comes from the old-fashioned world of stage-coaches, a vehicle which helps you to get from where you are today, to where you want to be in the future. Life coaching, therefore, whether you employ the help of an outside professional, or do-it-yourself, is not about raking over the old coals of past mistakes, and why you did this rather than that, or why someone else did what they did (to you!). It’s about an objective appraisal of where you are, deciding where your priorities for change lie, and then getting on and doing it. Whilst that’s easy to say, and not always easy to do, remember the biggest barrier to change is confronting change itself. But, as George Bernard Shaw put it: “ Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?"

When you’re thinking about changes in your workplace, it would be a good idea to consider what motivates you, what will allow you to get more enjoyment, and feel fully engaged with the organisation and people around you. Here the work of Frederick Herzberg stands unchallenged. Herzberg's research showed that people will strive to achieve 'hygiene' needs because they are unhappy without them, but once satisfied the effect soon wears off - satisfaction is temporary. Then as now, poorly managed organisations fail to understand that people are not 'motivated' by addressing 'hygiene' needs, eg work conditions, security, status, relationship with peers, salary, etc.

People are only truly motivated by enabling them to reach for and satisfy the factors that Herzberg identified as real motivators - personal growth, advancement, responsibility, work itself, recognition and achievement.

So, be sure that you are satisfied with your hygiene factors, but don’t do that at the expense of failing to develop your true motivators.

Finally, teaching and working in schools is one of the most demanding jobs in modern society. It is full of pressure and complications from a variety of sources – many of which appear to come from sources outside the main role of teaching the pupils.

In future articles I would like to address some of these issues, and provide guidance on how best to tackle them. This column will work best if it becomes your column, so please email me your views and experiences at robert.brook@lightbeam.co.uk. I will treat each of your emails in strictest confidence.

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